Long time no see??

Holy crap! It's been almost a whole year since I've posted on this 'ole thing. Yikes. Well, there's much to report! I finally moved out of Dallas to Houston for a new gig. This was a looooong time coming (being that I lived in Dallas for 8 years(!)), but it didn't make the move any easier. Within a month and a half, I had accepted a position and moved down to Htizzle. Sure, it's no cross-country move, but moving isn't easy, even if it's across town. The last time I moved, it was four blocks away from where I had lived previously. I sure missed that when D-Day came.


Anyway, I'm here and mostly settled in except for that pesky task of looking for a place to live. Gross. It's times like these that make me miss Dallas, and it's times like watching Most Eligible Dallas that make me hate it. I miss my friends the most, and then the Libertine, and my apartment. Oh, and getting to be alone. I'm currently shacked up with my parents which is fine, except that I rarely get to spend a moment alone. I feel like I entered some kind of time machine and I'm back in high school and my parents want to hear all about my day and what I want to do is drink a stiff cocktail and not think (or speak) for a while. Is that too much to ask? Probably. That being said, it's probably a good exercise for me and is teaching me patience as well as other skills valuable to being a normal and social human being. They are great people, that's for sure (with the occasional vomitous political assault), but we have our moments. Yes, the entirety of my family (on both sides) are staunchly republican and I am the polar opposite, so you can imagine what kind interaction ensues when we are all together...


Other than that, I like the new job. The people are so nice and I couldn't ask for a better schedule, so all in all I feel confident about my move. But....I'm not sure if I want to stay in Houston forever. Granted, I've only been here now for a little over a month and I shouldn't judge too soon. I felt that way about Dallas, too, so I know it just takes a little time to get to know a place - even if I did grow up here.


I've got a few things to look forward to, however. This coming weekend I'm headed back to Dallas for a wedding (YAY!) at which I will be reading something in front of 200 people (Boo). You would think that after numerous presentations in grad school and consistent tour delivery at the last jobby that I would be perfectly fine with this. And, I'm MUCH better than I was pre-grad school and I know that I actually do well at these kinds of things. I know that I internalize it all and imagine that I look like a giant sweaty/shaky mess when in actuality I look poised and polished. This, however, does not change the fact that my brain freaks out and imagines the worst. I have a friend, who upon finding out that I was reading something at the wedding has taken it upon himself to periodically text taunt me. He's told me that he imagines me standing up there and swearing my brains out when I mess something up. Thank you for the confidence, Ben. Our friendship and your support mean the world to me. Either way, it should be fun to see some of my Dallas friends. Weddings/Showers/Parties with this particular group are not your stereotypical life events. They are no cucumber sandwiches and tea affairs. They are more "let's make drinking/shot games out of shower games" or "let's make abortion jokes." We're a classy bunch! And, I plan on getting my dance on. Hopefully, no knee injuries this time!

So perhaps I will return only to regale you with many a crazy tale. We will see, won't we?

This is what I deal with on a daily basis

First off, you're welcome. For this post and for returning to the blog-o-sphere (totes lametown name, btw). At my work about a year ago to save some green and to all big-brother-like monitor what we're printing and how much, our IT department decided to remove all printers from all people's offices and replace them with giant economy printer stations in certain areas of the building. Well, as part of this, we've all been asked to "lock print" so we have to remember to go to the printer and retrieve our docs (because we're retarded, in case you didn't know). Someone today didn't "lock print" (motherfucking GASP!!!!!) and I found this gem on the printer. It wasn't quite like finding a co-workers exhaustively itemized FSA reimbursement request complete with subtle deets about her crotch health, but it was delightfully strange. Evidently, someone in the building is shopping for birds. Yes. Birds. In particular this little guy (who I would name Bubbles, incidentally), he was at the top of the list as two (count it, TWO) of these pages were printed out. Before you get all judgy about how boring my life is and how I devoted a solid 10-15 minutes scanning the page, discussing said page with another coworker, and then blogged about it, you can think about all the time you waste at work and at home and then get back to me. It's things like this that keep me sane. Or, maybe, that make me insane. Jury's still out on that.

I woke up on Saturday morning, threw on some jeans only to notice this unsightly bulge after having been out and about for an
hour or so. After further investigation, the bulge revealed itself to be last night's undies. Hot.




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I found this un-posted "blog" from last month

I'm pretty sure that...texting is single-handedly ruining dating...


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Sooooo....(awkward pause)....how have you been?

How is everyone? What's new? I miss you. Actually, I don't. And I'm pretty sure you don't miss me either.

I had decided a few months ago that it was a goal of mine to double my blog followers within a month. Well, I haven't blogged much at all lately, nor have I done anything to increase my number of followers - unless watching a lot of Project Runway and doing physical therapy counts toward that, which it very well may, who am I to judge?

Anyway, there's not much explanation as to why I haven't blogged much lately other than the fact that I've been dating a little bit and nursing my leg nubbin. [Here was where I wrote a bunch of stuff and then panicked that one gentleman caller would discover it...] Anyway, I should probably stop talking just in case we end up married. Oh, who am I kidding? In case I end up preggers with his triplets.

I can say that I'm looking forward to the next few weekends...fiesta this weekend (to which I am taking one of my gentleman), visitor LoLo next weekend (think tacos and dancing, or for me, just shifting my weight since my dr. expressly advised against dancing), wedding shower the following weekend, and then Miss Ramos and Mr. Stanutz's wedding (which promises to be one of the best weddings ever!). I trust in Miss Ramos' party-planning and Mr. Stanutz's fiscal responsibility. I heart them both and it will def be a good time, minus a few awkward moments, I'm sure. Shit happens.

I look forward to many (more frequent) conversations with you in the future.

So, do you remembs that post I wrote...oh, about a month ago containing pictures of my crippling leg injury? I went to an orthopedic surgeon the Monday after I hurt my knee and his diagnosis was that I dislocated my kneecap (or patella in the orthopedic game). According to the dr I was to see him in two weeks and to ice that shit and do leg lifts to strengthen my knee. Fast forward to two weeks later, I returned to said dr (who was wearing filthy scrubs, btw), and he told me that my knee was still pretty swollen (no shit, dude), but that it would take at least another 4 weeks (?!?!??) for all of the blood in my knee (gross) to be reabsorbed by my body. I immediately made an appt for a second opinion elsewhere. New (and clearly more capable) dr said that my knee should be virtually back to normal a month after a dislocated patella and said that I should be able to bend my leg, oh, further than 30 degrees. Basically at this point I'm scheduled for an MRI on Tuesday, and I get the results on Friday. I'm super psyched that I changed drs though because the other guy was practically retarded, and if this keeps me from having a permanently fucked up knee, who isn't on board with that?? Someday I'll be able to walk not like the hunchback of Notre Dame...and to wear heels again...and to have matching levels of musculature in my two thighs. A girl can dream...

Location:On top of spaghetti

I put the "play" in Playtex

I've never been one of those people who gets embarrassed when I have to buy condoms, tampons, KY, etc. I have a friend who makes her husband buy her tampons for her at the store. It's so extreme that she can't even be there. Weird as it may be, I can understand a slight discomfort but not complete social paralysis. Anyway, I made an afterwork stop at CVS for some much needed tampons (if you know what I mean). I purchased a box o' tampies, architectural digest mag, and an ice pack specifically designed for the knee. I immedes started feeling like a gaping d-bag when walking up to the checkout counter. I felt like that lady that I not-so-subtly judged at Target awhile back...what did the gentleman checker think I was going home to do that evening?!?

Oh wait, most people don't possess the warped imagination that I do...sigh.

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Songs of the week (I'm obvs really bad at this...)

"My Vampire" by the Soho Dolls

"C'mon C'mon" by The Von Bondies - this tune always reminds me of the movie 9 Songs = total sexcapade

"Pace is the Trick" by Interpol - the always moody Interpol, love it

"Ruby, Don't Take Your Love to Town" by Kenny Rogers - I'm serious when I tell you that this song has gotten a sick amount of airplay lately. seriously.

"Hurricane" by Jamie Lidell



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Location:On top of spaghetti

Did you evs wonder...

...what a dance-mangled knee looks like?





It's the one on the left, you know, the one twice the size of the other.

Me and the ladies headed out on Friday night. We started off at a farewell HH for a coworker of mine and then went out for dinner where we had truffled popcorn and venison frito pie (yummmmtown, btw). We got a wild hair and decided to hit the town. We did a little bar-hopping and if I remember correctly ended up at a club named S4 around 2. We danced and danced and danced until my knee was assaulted by another dude's knee and I collapsed on the dancefloor. I felt a little something pop and have since been unable to walk without looking like Sloth from the Goonies and feeling like my knee will buckle at any second. Suffice to say, I am heading to an orthopedist tomorrow to check out the damage. Wish me luck, suckas.

Xoxo,
Stumpy

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Songs of the week! (Reissue)

I've decided to reinstitute my Songs of the Week blog, so here goes...

- "Walk in the Park" by Beach House; it's about love and loss with a haunting tune accompanied by a Wurlitzer (blogging and driving isn't conducive to fact checking the
Name of the piano/keyboard)

- "Too Darn Hot" by Ella Fitzgerald; I love discovering new songs on my iPod! This is perfect for the weather of late.

- "Get Me Alone" by Von Haze; slow and methodical dragging, builds tension with no climax (does this sound familiar? Like my blog lately? Boom.) anyway, very much like aural foreplay...my fave!

- "The Mall and the Misery" by Broken Bells; it starts off sounding kind of ballad-y and country, but give it until about a minute in, you won't be disappointed.

- "All My Friends" by LCD Soundsystem; not quite as synth as their other stuff, but an upbeat tune nevertheless, and a good message about growing up and making life decisions.

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